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He (father) said, "See that man walking into the mosque? He owns a Ferrari. He is a Chartered Accountant. Be like him." So I became a Chartered Accountant but I never really did afford to buy a Ferrari like that rich man, who is known as Tan Sri Azman Hashim. But of course, I do earn a decent income, unlike what I could have earned if I had become an artist. This is one of those blessings in disguise for an earlier sadness that arose from a denial by a father.
father is a figure head. Even in a mafia organisation they refer to their leader as the Godfather. I remembered when I was small, the entity that I fear most was my father, more than I fear God. I asked my wife to describe her memory of her father and she said, "Passionate, Teacher and Role Model." Some may have good things to say about their father and some may have many negative things to say about their father... but rest assured, those negative things are meant for a better future. No father would want to ill advise their kids, would they?
My father was a strict man. Everyone in the household was scared of him. When he yells, the roof of the house shivers as if a typhoon was partying outside. There were many desires I had that were denied by my father - things like toys and such - for which, only now I comprehend. Whenever my kids ask for toys, I would only buy 2 out of 10 times asked. Obviously monetary and discipline were the two reasons. As a boy who has passion in art, I wanted to become an artist and later an architect. He (my father) discouraged me. He (father) said, "See that man walking into the mosque? He owns a Ferrari. He is a Chartered Accountant. Be like him." So I became a Chartered Accountant but I never really did afford to buy a Ferrari like that rich man, who is known as Tan Sri Azman Hashim. But of course, I do earn a decent income, unlike what I could have earned if I had become an artist. This is one of those blessings in disguise for an earlier sadness that arose from a denial by a father.
Today my two kids fought over some pieces of Lego. The elder boy who is 10 refused to share his with his younger brother who is 4 years old. I was doing my work and to simply end things with an utmost veto power, I screamed, "Just give the Lego to your brother" without bothering to inquire why he hesitated. Now the 10 year old started crying. So I asked, "Why would a 10 year old like you cry over some Lego?" He said, "I like my Lego. They are my collection." At that moment I realised that he has already developed his own sense of appreciation that warrants respect from others; just like how I would get mad if anybody tried to disturb my guitar collection. To put things into perpective, I said, "When you were small, about 2 yeas old, you took my mobile phone and started to stir the water in the toilet bowl while saying. 'Daddy look' with a huge smile on your face. Deep down inside I was so angry because the phone was a RM1,000 phone and I had to throw them away. I did not scold you because you were a small little boy who did not understand. This is the same with your little brother now." He understood what I was saying,... in his own way.
After 10 years of fatherhood and 2 delightful kids, I realised that I had found pleasure in it. I missed watching my sons grow up because I was aways working late to secure a good career. I had to resort to using the diary to ensure time allocation for my kids. This is done so that I would always treat them as important as work, if not more. For the 52 weekends in the calendar I have slotted in sessions for movies, playing kites, paintings and holidays. Every Sunday morning I would bring my sons for a swimming class that usually ends with a ritual Roti Canai (breakfast, the Malaysian way) session at a Mamak (Malaysian Cafe). My wife and I are always in a look out for some kids programmes so that we could bring our kids for a treat. The latest one was the Ultraman Show at Genting Highland.
The responsibility of being a parent is not easy. It requires patience and will power. Between me and my wife, we try to cover as much areas as possible. I would train my kids how to pray and my wife would look after their school matters. I would see that they go to their swimming and piano classes while my wife would ensure that they have enough clothing and food. I would pay for their education fees and health insurance while she (the wife) brings them to see their Grandpas and Grandmas. I cannot imagine doing all this without my wife to assist. Many people refer to family as an institution because it requires a systematic order for harmonisation. I would prefer calling it 'Life'. We take things for granted assuming that all this is a burden when if lost, only would we realise that it is a gift - from God. A gift (kids) that some may not have even after 10 yeas of marital life. I take pleasure in managing my family especially when we end up doing crazy things like singing together out loud or play fire crackers - but not as crazy as the Addams Family.
* kopihangtuah
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