The Magical Number 2

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TODAY I went to the hospital. I went to the hospital for a medical checkup. They tested my blood, my urine, my bladder, my bones, my heart rate and whatever else they felt like testing including X-rays. I felt like a lab mouse with wires attached to my body while jogging in my Spanish World Cup jersey.

It seems that I am too fat for my height. It seems that I don't drink enough water. It seems that I don't exercise enough. It seems that I have been eating too much protein and carbs. It seems that my metabolism is screwed. It seems that I am too sweet, my blood that is.

So I asked, "Doctor, Doctor, what should I do? Am I gonna die young and fat..... and sweet?"

Doctor said, "Okay here is the deal. Let the number 2 be your magic number"

"Number 2? What do you mean?"

"You can only have fruit juice 2 times a week. You can only eat egg yolks 2 times a week. You  can only eat prawns or crabs 2 times a week. You can only eat red meat 2 times a week. If you eat steaks, make sure it is not more than 2 hundred grams a week. You must eat veggies 2 times the volume of the protein that you eat. You should jog cumulatively 2 hours in a week. You should check your weight every 2 months. You should check your blood sugar and cholesterol level every 2 months. You can only drink 2 cups of sugarless coffee a day. You should drink 2 litres of water a day. If you crave for those heavy Nasi such as Nasi Lemak, Nasi Ayam, Nasi Kandar, Nasi Briyani or Nasi Minyak, limit it to 2 times a week and even so, 2 scoops each time."

"That is a lot of 2's", I said with my 2 thumbs up.

Whilst waiting for the final medical consultation and reports to be issued, they allowed me to eat breakfast as I had fasted for about 13 hours since the night before. So, there I was, making my way to the canteen thinking, "Damn, I can only have the things I love to eat or drink 2 times in a week. Before I embark on that psychotic journey, I should reward myself!"

And so the May The Fourth Be With You (as it was 4th May 2018) brunch took place, and wallah, behold the Nasi Lemak Kukus Kelantan with the usual sambal, anchovies and fried chicken; topped with a handful of Peria Goreng, Tempe and a Mata Kucing juice.

The same doctor came into the canteen and stared at me with disbelieve.

I could only say, "Errrrrr.... this is just the number 1. I haven't reached 2"

* kopihangtuah

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