08 January 2011

The Penang Talk Part 2


.... continuation from earlier blog post The Penang Talk Part 1

hen you are pist! You don’t use the F word. Instead you say “Punkoq Hang!” which means your bottoms! The second Penang bridge is expected to cost RM4.5 billion. Do we really need a 2nd bridge? On 24 Oct 2010, Penang won the Malaysian Cricket Association Division 1 League after defeating Pahang by 7 wickets. When entering Penang via ferry or bridge, you’ll have to pay, but leaving, no charges. So? Leave by ferry or bridge but going in? Swim? Penang Karipaps have no curry powder but instead loads of black pepper, so I was told. Weird, these Penangite lot, but let's continue the so called "Penang Talk":

56. Auta means exaggerated lies
57. Awat means Why?
58. Bah means flood
59. Bertuh means collide
60. Boria means uniformly dressed local dialect singers (picture)
61. Buta Peghrut means inconsiderate
62. Cabai are chillies
63. Cendoi is Cendol
64. Cenge means fierce
65. Emaih is gold
66. Gabra means panic
67. Geghrek means bicycle
68. Herod means crooked
69. Hingaq means noise
70. Jangguih are cashew nuts
71. Jebak is a bird trap (picture)
72. Jenuh means hassle
73. Jerkah is yelling
74. Kakrus are cockroaches
75. Kalih means overleaf
76. Keriau also means yelling
77. Kole means cup
78. Krekot is hugging your own body
79. Kundoq is Winter Melon (picture)
80. Lapaq Ayaq is Thirsty but literally means Hungry for Water
81. Likat means thick
82. Makan Ayaq is Drink Water but literally means Eat Water
83. Maneh Melenting is Very Sweet
84. Mangkit is wake up
85. Mata Pote means blurry eyes
86. Mempelams are Mangos
87. Meradang is angry
88. Moi is rice porridge
89. Pe’ot means not a reliable person
90. Penyegan is a lazy person
91. Peyt is bitter
92. Sayoq are vegetables
93. Sebek means to pull a sad crying face
94. Semawa means "to invite"
95. Sembam is swollen
96. Sengap means quiet
97. Serabai is a special pancake only available in Penang (picture)
98. Seriau means worry
99. Teloq are eggs
100. Tokok means replenish

* kopihangtuah

| mcmlxxv:viii:xxix |

06 January 2011

Were you born in the 70's?


ere you born in the 70's? I was. It was cool growing up in the 80's later. Lots of good stuff ranging from Atari, Michael Jackson, Thundercats, 7-Eleven Slurpee and even Samantha Fox! Today, you buggers (70's babies), are probably between 30 to 40, married with one kid or two (or one wife or two) and at the critical stage of your careers. You struggled through life for the past decades but yet, you still enjoyed the good things in life. However, little that you realise, somewhere in that stability of life you are in, you miss doing those things that you did during your youth days. Gentlemen, I'm telling you, you are in your mid life crisis! ha! ha! You don't believe me? Well, here's a checklist.

See how many of these are relevant to you (Naturally, since I made this list, I would have scored 100 out of 100):

When your age is close in proximity to Average Mortality of 70 divided by 2

When u are neither Gen X nor Gen Y

When you are neither Kembara nor Hujan, because you are Wings and Search

When u lose 10kg after jogs and stuff but the tummy still looks like a balloon

When your wife is outstation, you are entrusted to feed the plant, the grass, the fish, the cat and the boy

When you spent your New Year watching DVD at home rather than partying at night clubs

When you are neither Pink Floyd nor Linkin Park, because you are Metallica and Guns N' Roses

When after 14 years of a career, you are still a Powerpoint slide clicker in the Board of Directors meetings

When cigarettes cost RM2.40 for a pack of 20 twenty years ago at the point you first picked up the habit but now costs RM10.00 when you are trying to quit

When you buy loads of canvases and oil paints, only to be kept in the store for ages

When you only care to shave once a week now

When you are neither Pink Panther nor Animae, because you are Thundercats and Transformers

When you quit the auditing profession after doing it for 13 years

When you jam with your friends songs from the 80’s

When the Doctor says "You have spur under your heel bone"

When the earliest Grammy that you remember featured Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Sheena Easton, Billy Joel, Cindy Lauper, Lionel Ritchie and the like

When you start having conversations with the cat (imagining that you are having conversations)

When next year you'll be excluded from the target segment of Hot FM 97.6, Fly FM 95.8 and One FM 88.1 of 35 year olds and below

When you haven't learnt the solo for Stairway to Heaven since 1990 and only now you are asking people to teach you

When you find yourself asking “When am I going to buy a BMW?”

When you go for a pee after just pee'ing a minute ago

When u asked a 22 year old new staff whether they know who Guns N'Roses are and they replied "What is that? Homo porn?"

When you now hang out at Mandarin Oriental listening to jazz band instead of clubbing away at Jalan P. Ramlee

When you remember about Piccadilly Tea Dance whenever you pass Atria

When you are having breakfast with your staff with a conversation about "Balik Kampung" instead of about Lisa Surihani

When you remembered reading about Aung San Suu Kyi being jailed 12 years ago & today you received Twitter saying she's released

When your favourite movie quotes include "Tipah tertipu bang" from the movie Ali Setan

When your friend buys a 'white' leather shoes with embroidery

When you had Jawi in your school syllabus

When you used to say "Kak rokok sekotak" at the counter but now you say "Adik, rokok sekotak"

When you buy all 8 albums by Sheila Majid at one go for RM99.99, the last box set at the cd shop apparently

When you were born when Zaire was known as Congo and now the name is back to Congo

When people give you a blur face when you say Penilaian Darjah Lima

When you are surrounded by crazy Makciks who talk to their cats like talking to little baby humans

When you buy a checkered shirt (like Slash's) at the Levi's store, your wife accuses u of mid life crisis

When you remembered that Shah Alam used to have traffic jams because of Eddie Lawson and Wayne Gardner instead of Selangor vs Kelantan

When a friend said "Going through crap in earlier career life is an investment for the future" She is a banker. Go figure!

When you get really frustrated when the gang cancels the jamming session that you've been waiting for

When 3 months without jogging increased your weight from 73kg to 78kg. Damn!

When you only accept Levi's 501 and not the other denims

When you are stuck in a jam and you have to pee real badly and there is no spare empty mineral water bottle in the car

When seeing billboard with "Tron akan datang di pawagam" feels like dejavu of what was on the billboard a quarter century ago

When Generation Y goes to the Saloon for RM28 trim and hair wash whereas Generation X goes for Mamak haircut for RM10 which used to be RM5 15 yrs ago

When you eat steak, you eat it plain without black pepper or mushroom sauce. Those sauces, you feel, defeats the purpose of eating steaks

When you are neither Affix nor Playstation, because you are Atari

When your dad used to be stuck in a jam in a 2 lane Federal Highway and now you are stuck in a jam in a 3 lane Federal Highway. Time for it to be 4 lane Federal Highway so that my son will be stuck in it, but improved version

When your wife is in hippy skirt, kid in English rugger jersey & you’re in Slash checkered shirt unbuttoned with rock t-shirt inside

When you are still wearing that huge buckled rockers belt bought in 1993 with your jeans today! The belt is 17 years old!

When you complaint: “What the hell? Guppy Fish price has increased from RM1.00 each to RM1.20 each, 20% increase? That's 4 times GDP!”

When you remembered that it wasn't Maria Ozawa but it was Samantha Fox!

When your wife sets KPI on when your tummy should stop growing

When you have to wait for the woman to dress up for bloody 1 hour for a dinner function

When you do food tasting, your comment is "Woi! apesal Dalca ni tak cukup terung hah?"

When you were the ones watching Cumi dan Ciki and TV Pendidikan in black and white

When people calls you a compulsive Twittor

When you realised that you didn't read To Kill A Mocking Bird properly at school and find yourself reading it now

When you say “I don't usually do resolutions, but this year I want to beat a friend in 5km run”

When you started calculating your Body Mass Index (BMI). BMI=kg/mXm. Healthy range 18.5-23. Overweight 23-27.5. >27.5 is obese! Mine 27, near obese. To get 23, I should lose 12kg WTH

When someone says to you "Saya peminat setia Uncle". Not sure if I want to cheer or cry

When you buy 2 Toyota Altis for you and your wife at the same time

When you want to take music exams at the age of 35 – 40

When you realise that Mid Valley replaces Angkasapuri as Federal Highway landmark for Bangsar

When you see an advertisement that says ”RT @ntv7: Have you ever had a quarter-life crisis? catch a repeat of @CUBE_ntv7 On @tontonMY”

When you think it’s time to consult the doctors again when you think the body is getting used to the medications

When your Proton dealer tells you that a Proton gearbox needs an RM20,000 overhaul. What the heck?

When your Headmasters were popular with Volvo 240

When, as usual, you are the last to leave the Finance Department on Friday night

When you hang your suit and tie and turn up at work in jeans and black linen short sleeves

When you just saw your wedding VCD where your spokesperson read from his “Jawi” written notes

When you realise that the cost of living gets more expensive: Oil price went up, upgrade to Astro Beyond, education loan repayment up by RM300 and ciggies now costs RM10 per pack of 20!

When you were there when they officially launched Proton Saga on Penang Bridge

When at the gym shower room you say in your head “Guys shouldn't walk around naked. Don't think people here are invisible. And buy a trimmer please!

When a medical doctor says "no such thing as mid life crisis. It's just old people finding reasons to do stupid things". I think the doctor is in denial of his mid life crisis!

When you are seated at a table full of unmarried cousins and nieces and nephews

When you are pressured to buy Mercedes instead of BMW because the villagers only measure wealth when there is Mercedes and not any other cars

When your wedding photo on the wall of your parent's house is coming down giving way for latest wedding photo of a sibling

When you say “Just got home. Lipating my laundry now. I'm so domesticated.. Hehehe.. “

When a married 35 year old man calls his mom saying "Mak ada makan tak kat rumah?"

When you hibernate for 18 hours and suffer insomnia afterwards

When you only appreciate Stevie Ray Vaughan when he has long died

When you know which movie the line "tipah tertipu bang" comes from

When you are so busy & the only time to read emails, FB & Tweets is while you are taking a dump. Throw in reading newspapers as well.

When you enjoyed reading page 27 of New Straits Times on 27 November 2010 with the article "Laughing your way through a midlife crisis" by Dato' Johan Jaaffar

When you almost put Colgate on your face instead of Gillette shaving cream

When you were 11 years old, in 1986, you saw Halley's Comet. When it returns in 2061, you'll be 86

When you are asked to be the spokesperson for a wedding

When on someone’s birthday you say “Happy survived another year day”

When you have more than 10 Blackberry Messaging groups

When you almost put Daktarin on your toothbrush instead of Colgate

When the below conversation happens:
ARTIST: Darn you Old Town White Coffee! There goes my diet
YOU: Same. Damn you Nasi Lemak Restoran Gembira, Seksyen 3, Shah Alam

When someone tweets this “Hello @katyperry! How r u?? Dah makan?”

When David Haselhoff dances on Dancing With The Stars

When you stare blankly at either the Twitter timeline or Facebook homepage until something pings

When the below conversation happens:
FRIEND: Is lumberjack shirts coming back to the fashion scene?
YOU: Yes it is. I just bought one but Levi's version RT

When the below conversation happens:
BOSS: Kau tau sapa Kasma Booty?
YOU: Tau
BOSS: Tua jugak kau ni

When you start a Twitter Trending entitled #midlifecrisis

When you stay up late at night drafting Mid Life Crisis blog post

When you wear your shirt collars on top of your suit collars

When you want to sell Apache buckles at Camden during your ’pencen’ days

When you actually managed to get 100 examples of Mid Life Crisis indicators!

So are you experiencing mid life crisis?

* kopihangtuah

| mcmlxxv:viii:xxix |

03 January 2011

Lest We Forget the History Part 2


... continuation from Lest We Forget the History Part 1

Malaysia's population stands at 27,565,821 said the 2010 Population and Housing Census preliminary report

Christmas was not originally 25 December. Emperor Constantine changed it to 25 December to coincide with celebration of Solstice

Greek messengers used to run from Athens to Marathon for 26 miles. Hence marathon is for 42.195 km

November 2010 marked the 47th anniversary of our Zoo Negara

Penang and Adelaide were founded by Sir Francis Light and his son William Light respectively

The old name for Tenaga Nasional Berhad was Lembaga Letrik Negara (LLN)

The frame for the construction of Statue of Liberty was never dismantled. It was converted to Eiffel Tower

The tallest building in Asia in 1986 standing at 232m was KOMTAR in Penang

The first commercialised Fish and Chips shop was in Oldham, Manchester

The Malaysian internet web site gua.com.my was recorded as the first brand producing on-line drama in Malaysia's Guinness Book of Records

When Tunku Abdul Rahman moved our International Airport from Sungai Besi to Subang, people complained because it was too far. Now, imagine Sepang!

The Egyptians had 12 months year way earlier than the Romans

Members of Parti Komunis Malaya were mostly the members of MPAJA, an anti-Japanese army who fought alongside British in Malaya

The Japanese entered Malaya via Thailand on bicycle. In return, they gave Perlis, Kedah and Kelantan to Thailand

The British initially conquered Phuket. Later they exchanged it with Penang that was under Siamese control

It was estimated in 1998 that we humans produce 1 million tonnes faeces per day

It was estimated in 1998 that we slaughter 70million chickens, 654k cows, 1.2million lambs and 2.8million pigs for food per day

It was estimated in 1998 that, in a day, USA consumes 7 million pizzas, 15 million burgers and 250 milllion cans of Coca Cola

Haj draws 2.5 million pilgrims each year making it the largest yearly gathering of people in the world

Shah Alam was named after the current Sultan Selangor's grandfather, Sultan Hishamuddin Alam Shah

Tun Tan Siew Sin was the first and last non-Bumi to hold the Finance Minister post for Malaysia

The tallest mountain in South East Asia is Hkakabo Razi in Myanmar at 5,887 metres (19,314 ft)

Bangkok's real name is krungthep-maha-nkorn-boworn-rataa-kosin ... (It is actually longer than this… )

Terengganu recorded as the best UPSR result state 10 years in a row from 2001 to 2010

To cut things short, Zaire was Congo up to 1991 but became Congo again in 1998

If Patani requires a Sultan, the rightful person to claim the throne would be Y.M. Tengku Tan Sri Ahmad Rithaudeen

The first nation to win the Rugby Union World Cup was New Zealand with their All Blacks

In 2007, the Australian Labor government apologised to the Australian Aborigines for previous injustice

F.U.C.K means Fornication Under the Consent of the King because those days, in England, the King of England has the first right to sleep with your wife and he often delegate this right to his generals

In 1998, Datuk Dr Mohammad Nor Khalid (Lat) is the first cartoonist to be made an Eisenhower Fellow of the United States

The Union Jack is a combination of the flags of England & Scotland initially used to mark ships belonging to the British Isle

In 2010, Malaysia recorded an average of 233 online friends per person beating USA at 178 per person

In 2010, Malaysians rank 1st by Zenith Media as having the most online friends in the world with 9hrs/week of social networking

The first and only Malaysian regarded as Bapak ACCA Malaysia is Tan Sri Dr Arshad Ayub for introducing ACCA at UiTM Shah Alam

Coffee is the second largest item of international commerce in the world. The largest is petrol

Malaysia had 20 million population, Australia had 20 million population, Jakarta had 20 million population, back in 1990

The glorious days of Malay Films in the 50's'and 60's had Studio Jalan Ampas Singapore as its capital

This year, 2011, marks the 500th anniversary of the fall of the Malaccan Sultanate in 1511 when attacked by the Portuguese

Brazil is a name of a nut. So you cannot call it Brazilian Nut. It’s Basil Nut, but Brazilian country

Rubber trees are not native to Malaya. It originated from Brazil

Satan was actually the CEO of Angels by the name Azazil, until he refused to bow to Adam (pbuh)

Internet was initially a military communication system

Volkswagen actually means Folks’ Wagon, i.e. Peoples’ Car, a Hitler’s legacy

Freemasons originated from associations of stone cutters who built castles, cathedrals and churches in Scotland

The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is the Zionists blueprint to conquer the world

Henry Ford spent his profits from car manufacturing to fund his publishing of articles on Jews, now compiled as The International Jews. He wasn’t a Jew. He was anti-Jew

Henry Ford’s famous quotation was “You can buy my car at any colour as long as it is black”

Hashimites were thrown away to Jordan by the Sauds with the help of Lawrence of Arabia

Khulafak Arrashidin used green, Muawiyahs used red and Abbasyds used black, as the colours of their flags respectively

Petronas Twin Towers were built by Japanese and Koreans, each assigned one tower. Amazing how the two towers erected identically. The power of engineering!

Anglo Persian Petroleum was Iranian, later turned British under the name British Petroleum (BP)

In the 80’s, almost all driving schools in Klang Valley had Datsuns as their fleet, instead of Kancils and Protons

Before there were Federal Highway, NKVE, KESAS, NPE & SPRINT, the only road from Klang to Kuala Lumpur was Jalan Klang, now called Jalan Klang Lama

The blue mosque in Shah Alam was inspired by Sultan Salahuddin Abdul Aziz Shah of Selangor after visiting the Blue Mosque in Turkey

The building Sri Pentas in Bandar Utama, home to the largest Malaysian Free-to-Air TV station, TV3, was initially built for a hospital operation

Louis Vutton existed even back then as luggage for passengers of Titanic

Al Capone committed crime in illegal selling of alcohol, gambling and prostitution but he was jailed for tax evasion instead

P.Ramlee’s real name is Teuku Zakaria Teuku Nyak Puteh, an Acheh name by origin

The oldest fossil of man found in Malaysia was found at Bukit Larut, Perak. Hence called the Perak Man

Jesus only introduced Christianity. It was St. Paul who spread it

The legend of Samson and Delilah in the Bible is also in the Quran, known as Prophet Sameon and Dalillah

There are 3 Malay states not included in Malaysia but instead formed part of Southern Thailand. There are Songkla, Naratiwat and Patani

King Zulu’s warfare tactics of left-right flanking attacks was inspired by how a bull fights using its horns

Alexander the Great defeated Persia in 300BC when Persia was under the ruling of Emperor Darius

Israel got its name for being the sons of Prophet Israel, who is also Prophet Jacob in the Bible or known as Prophet Yaakub (pbuh) in the Quran, the father of Prophet Joseph in the Bible or Prophet Yusuf (pbuh) in the Quran

Apart from Fish and Cross, Christianity also used Anchors as their symbol

Well that makes up 100 points of interesting historical facts. Do you have any to add? If yes, feel free do leave comments at this post, especially those that correct my historical facts above if they are not accurate.

* kopihangtuah

| mcmlxxv:viii:xxix |