19 December 2010

... the Boy, the Cat, the Fish and the Plant, from the Wife


ave you ever been left alone to handle the household for a weekend? Most of us claim that we are experienced enough to do this given that we had plenty of training while studying abroad. We even claim that we can cook and wash our own clothes. All of that doesn't mean anything when you forget those skills immediately after you get married, for why get married when you cannot release yourselves off that burden? Haha,.. by now, readers, you'd probably already guessed that you should be a male before continuing reading this article.

OK, all husbands have to go through this at some point of their married live but I feel compelled to share my 1 weekend of doing so,... simply because it was full of instructions, like the one on the Ikea boxes, if you know what I mean. Here goes.

One Friday night I had to work late because I couldn't afford to work on the weekend. The maid had just left for Indonesia couple of days ago for Raya Haji and my wife leaves that Saturday morning early at 4:00 a.m. to catch a flight to Penang for some company seminar trip. All I remembered was just a quick wakkie from my wife whispering "There is a note on the table.... read it,.... and make sure you follow it okay!..."

Ringgggggg!!!!! 9:00 a.m. the alarm went off. Popped a ciggy in the mouth and picked up the note that reads:



First thing, please don't smoke in the room. It makes my clothes smell like shit! So if you are doing that now, throw it away.

Okay, I will be gone for 2 days and will be back on Monday morning. Please ensure that you do the following:

1. The Boy

Please make sure that you bring him to the footy clinic at 10:00am. Don't put the green jersey on him,... he likes the red one. By the way, you have to pay the academy RM200 for renewal of the clinic courses. So I guess, you have to go to the ATM first before you send him. Don't forget to bring his water bottle... and oh ya, please can you shower him instead of just washing his face! brush his teeth as well. He needs breakfast. Milk and KoKo Krunch would do.

I leave lunch to your imagination but please don't give him Nuggets anymore. Better if you get real food like Chicken Rice and NOT McDonalds. Maybe spare RM200 for his food (and yours as well). Make sure you shower him again before 7:00am and at night, don't put him into short sleeves or shorts,... it'll be cold for him. He needs to have his Multivitamins and Vitamin C once a day and cough syrup 3 times a day after meals. He is caughing, in case you haven't noticed. Oh ya,.. all his clean clothes are in the laundry basket in the maid's room. One last thing. He has fruits for late supper. There are apples in the fridge.

2. The Cat

I know you have sinus problems but please just help me for this one weekend only. I promise I will buy you sinus tablets from Penang. The poor cat has fungal on his left eye. So you need to give him his medication. Please limit the wet food because he loves it,.. use it as a bait, where you put the medication into the wet food and he will eat it all up. The rest of the time give him the cat biscuits only. There are two types of medication. One, a hard pill. You just have to hide it in the wet food. The second one, a capsule. For this, you either shuff it down his throat or you break open it and pour the content into the wet food. I guess the second method is the prefered one given that you have sinus problems and cannot get close to the cat.

Not sure whether there is enough for the weekend but if finished, please get them from the Vet. The Vet is on the 3rd quodron of the rows of the shop at Section 13 and again, when at ATM, withdraw extra RM200 for that,.. sorry, make it RM260 coz the Vetrenarian service charge will be RM60. While you're at it, get some cat litters as well and some more cat biscuits for anti-furball. You'll need another RM140 I think. You have to clean his shit every now and then and replenish the cat litter. The cat normally disappears during day time and comes home at night. You have to wait for him to open the doors so that he can come back in. Somehow he climbs his way out but cannot climb his way in. Weird.

Always wash his food container because we wouldn't want him to eat from a container visited by cockroaches over the night. He will get sick if you don't wash it. If possible, keep him in the backyard because the maid is not around to vacum the lounge,... you have to think about your sinus.

3. The Fish

This is fairly simple. They need to eat twice a day. Don't put too much coz it'll dirty the water. Come to think of it, it is already dirty. So perhaps after the Boy's footy clinic, please clean the aquarium. Oh ya, at the ATM, withdraw extra RM100 and get a new water filter pump. The existing one sucks and it is already full of algae. A new one would be refreshing. Don't forget to wash the corals and the plant in it as well and you have to put a capful of anti-clorine, if not, all the fish will die. Somehow I feel that the fish is going to die. So withdraw another RM100 for some cheap fish. The Boy will get upset if the fish dies, so a new batch will make him under control. The best value for money would be Guppy, Platty or Tetra. Please choose colours that matches the living room, i.e. family of orange, red, yellow and not blue, black or silver.

4. The Plant

There are pots of flowers and small plants at the back and on the front porch. I think around 15 pots. Please give them water twice a day. In the morning and in the evening. There are also the Gardenias along the fence. They need loads of water and spray some on the leaves to avoid dehydration. The grass needs water as well. This will take some time. You need to spray water all over the lawn but don't do it too quickly,.... prolong it, say 15 minutes and make sure the water is spread all over. You must remember to water the plants coz if you miss, they will die instantly. These are delicate creatures.

I guess that should suffice. Have fun managing the house and ya, having explained all the above, withdraw in total RM1,000 for the weekend. Bye!!!!!


The Wife


.... you can guess how my whole weekend went after reading that note.....

* kopihangtuah

| mcmlxxv:viii:xxix |